Get busy…. By Alexander Stein
Exes are like lemon juice—you forget how much they sting until they get under your skin. That sting reaches napalm levels when you’ve been cheated on. Like oil burns, they get more intense the longer that they’re allowed to ruminate and Kübler-Ross essentially ensured that they’ll last longer than you need them to. Being cheated on can be a lot like dealing with suicide; the event, itself, is traumatic enough, but there are also the leagues of unanswered questions, doubts, and coulda-woulda-shoulda’s. Why did this happen to me? What could I have done differently? What does he/she have that I don’t? All of these questions, although largely unavoidable, are useless.
The fact of the matter is that the cheater was an asshole and too cowardly to just deal with the issues at hand, present them to you, inform you that there’s someone else that they have feelings for, and cut the cord. It happens. It sucks. But you’ve got to get over it and get on with life or you’ll forever be stuck in the eddy of your misery while he/she finds new, strange ass to be a part of.
Here are my tips for getting past this hell and back into the swing of life:
Don’t try and drink it away—drinking and drugs are like off-brand bandages–they don’t last and when they fall off, they just expose your fresh wound to more toxicity, pain, and the need to reapply another. I got drunk the night I found out I was being cheated on and woke up the next day in a painful, hungover depression, much worse off than where I’d started.
Let the past be exactly that—delete your ex’s number, unfollow them, hide their updates on Facebook. You don’t need to be reminded of them and what they did to you and you don’t want to become obsessed with all their goings-on and updates. If you really want to keep your photos, move them to an external hard drive (or cloud) and off of your computer and phone. Also, throw away that shoebox you’ve got. Any letters, photos, keepsakes, etc. Get rid of them – they’ll never serve any purpose and plus you don’t want to be a hoarder. Ex’s cards are the gateway to living on top of pizza boxes and dead cats, seriously.
This is a good time for reflection—Reevaluate your life. Depending on how long you were in your past relationship, a lot has probably changed for you. Take this time to reassess, try new things, engage in mindful activities like yoga and meditation. You could soon find that this horrendous event was just the kick in the ass you needed to truly find yourself. Take note of who is there for you in this time and how they all show it—these are true friends and you should return the favor whenever any of their lives similarly shatter into panes of glass.
Onwards and upwards to you, dear reader, and in the words of Stephen King, through his character Andy Dufrense in Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption, “Get busy living or get busy dying.”